Four in the Morning
by Rayless Night
Summary: Belkend. Anise is flippant, Jade is irritable, Asch is tangled up in angst, and Natalia is left wondering. Tokunaga is disturbing. Amidst the uneasiness, Natalia tries to bridge her past with Asch's present.


_ Disclaimer: Namco Bandai owns _Tales of the Abyss_. Rating is for the possibility of violence.  
_

_ In late 2008, between_ Scarlet_ and _Elysion_, I wrote a long multichapter fic that focused on Asch, Natalia, Guy, Luke, and their various relationships. I meant to post it in 2009, but _Elysion _came along and by then I didn't want to focus on anything else. As time went on, I realized my ToA fic, as a single unit, didn't work for a variety of reasons. However, there were individual scenes and chapters I really liked and wanted to put online. After going back and forth over it for way too long, I've decided to edit some of these scenes so they stand on their own as oneshots. Here's one of them._

* * *

**Four in the Morning  
**

Seven years Natalia had waited for their visit back to Belkend. It would be one of so many signs that her fiancé's memory had returned. That the long years of frustration and unfamiliarity were over, and that she could again trust her life to turn out all right.

She and Luke – _Asch_ – had last been in Belkend as children, when she'd strong-armed him into promising they'd see it again when they were older. They'd visited it often as children. While Duchess Fabre was examined by Belkend's doctors, Natalia and Guy had made it their mission to distract Asch out of his worry. Guy usually took them to the harbor, occasionally letting them venture into the fields surrounding the port, where they could practice combat on small game. At night, Natalia and her cousin would take adjacent inn rooms, and they'd talk through the wall until Guy threatened to tell Duchess Fabre. Somehow, he was always the weariest of the three, but running from fontech machine to fontech machine probably had something to do with it.

Now, seven years later, sitting on her rented bed with Belkend humming around her and the mud of the Qliphoth only just washed away, Natalia combed her hair carefully. She was getting used to dressing and bathing herself, doing her own hair. She looked up enviously as Anise slipped her hair free of its pigtails, ran a brush through it, and pronounced it perfect. Tokunaga hung on her bedpost, smiling that smile that Natalia did not at all like.

Natalia glanced at the wall by her bed. Even if she was alone and sure Jade, Ion and Guy were somewhere else, she couldn't imagine knocking to see if Asch was there. All day on the Tartarus, she'd wanted to talk to him, more than just passing remarks. It had been dusk when they arrived in Belkend, and even as they hurried for the labs, Natalia had tried to talk. Asch had made it clear he didn't want to relive the past.

Natalia winced as her comb hit a knot.

Anise tutted. "Here, let me do it."

"I'm quite all right."

"I can't stand watching you flinch like that! Okay, don't comb from top to bottom. Start at the bottom and work your way up."

"Oh. Yes, I suppose."

"And don't do your hair while you're thinking about jerks with – "

"Don't call him a jerk!"

"I'm sure he knows he's one." Anise flumped back against her pillows.

Natalia put her brush on the bedside table. "He hasn't had a very easy life."

"Who ever does?"

Natalia heard the sound of movement from the other side of the wall, someone rolling over in bed. She stared at the wall a long moment, not even noticing its purple squash wallpaper.

It could have just been Ion.

Turning down the lamp, she slid between the covers, lying back to stare at the ceiling.

* * *

Four in the morning. Asch rolled over again. Then sat up and flipped his pillow over, which he'd done once already. And noticed movement from the next bed over. Guy closed his eyes.

Asch hesitated; aside from Van, he hardly spoke to anyone without commanding them. "Did you hear something?"

Guy opened his eyes but didn't look over. "No. Go back to sleep."

"I wasn't," Asch half-snapped. He didn't want to refer to it, but it came out anyway: "You're worrying about the Replica."

"What's it to you?"

Asch rolled over again, closing the discussion.

"Oh, the philosophic quandaries that assault one at four in the morning," murmured a soft voice from two beds over. "Is it better to sleep at night, or is it more profitable to stay awake arguing, sniping and fomenting over matters one can't control?"

A short silence.

"I often find," came Ion's voice from the far end of the room, "that I do some of my best thinking at night."

"Yes, Fon Master, but you are a man of piety. The rest of us are hardly so lucky. We tend to get morose and peevish from lack of sleep."

Guy sighed. Asch buried his face in his pillow and stifled a growl.

"Why are you all awake?" came Natalia's soft voice from the other side of the wall. "Did something happen?"

Another short silence. "We're fine," Guy said. "I'm sorry we woke you."

"I wasn't. Asleep, that is."

"Oh, splendid," the colonel said. "What about Anise? What's weighing so heavily on her mind?"

A longer silence. "I think she's asleep," Natalia said.

"Ah, the sleep of the... the..."

"Innocent?" came Ion's voice.

"No. Well, as edifying as this nocturnal palaver has been, I'm afraid I must retire." And there was the sound of a pillow being pulled over someone's head.

"Good night, everyone," Ion said.

"Sorry again," Guy said.

"It's all right," said Natalia.

Asch waited on the silence, past the point when he knew no one would expect him to speak. But something in him needed to. "Go to sleep, Natalia. Keep up your strength."

There was a hesitation, then, "Thank you."

And then a muffled laugh from Anise.

* * *

"I can't _believe_ we didn't bring gear." Anise's words bounced around the vastness of Ortion cavern.

"None of us were expecting to get lost and spend a night in here," Asch snapped; he didn't seem to have gotten over Anise's remarks about his cooking prowess.

"We'll be fine for a few hours." Jade raised his hand over the campfire to give it more energy. "But I don't recommend we linger overlong."

With a gesture from Anise, Tokunaga swelled to seven feet tall, reclining against one of the cavern walls. Anise flung herself onto the doll's lap, stretching out. "Here, Natalia, you can lean against Tokunaga too. Guys, you're on your own."

"I actually did bring gear," Jade said, shrugging off his traveling satchel and unstrapping a thin bedroll. "I am one of those vexing individuals who is always prepared."

"Okay, Asch, you're on your own."

"You take first watch," Asch told her.

Anise pouted, then got to her feet. "Fine. Tokunaga, be nice to Natalia."

Natalia, packing up their cooking gear, looked up, startled. "I thought it was just a doll. How can it be nice?"

"Just a doll?" Anise put her hands on her hips. "Do you think something that can get bigger than Largo, fight better than Asch, and dance better than the colonel is just a doll? Tokunaga has a soul of his own, and he doesn't like people to forget it!"

Natalia put her hand to her mouth – then smiled. "You're joking, right? I do wish you'd stop. I can't always tell, you know."

"Actually," Jade said, lying back with his arms behind his head, "I believe she's in earnest this time."

Natalia's smile shifted to ice queen. "We all know your brand of humor is hardly in good taste, Colonel."

"Now, now." Jade waved her off. "I need my sleep. I don't want to be cantankerous in the morning."

Natalia turned to Tokunaga, then hesitated. The firelight fell full on the doll, flickering over the enormous smile. Its good eye burned.

But it looked more comfortable than the stone ground. She made her way over, stopping herself before asking, "May I?" She didn't sit on its lap (doll or not, it felt too forward), but she sat down next to it and cautiously rested her shoulder against its side. She sank several inches, the cloth reminding her of a woolen blanket. She closed her eyes, trying to pretend that the battle plushie was nothing more than a very large pillow.

* * *

She'd been hearing it steadily in her dreams before she woke up. She opened her eyes, seeing the dull glow of their campfire, Anise sitting up and keeping watch. She heard it again – _thud, thud_. Was it some machinery still working in the mines? But no, she would've heard it before now. And it didn't sound remotely mechanical. In fact, there was nothing remote about it, it was quite close, almost as if it was coming from right under her cheek...

_I am hearing my own heartbeat,_ she told herself firmly. _Tokunaga does not have a heart, it does not have blood, therefore it can not have a heartbeat._

She closed her eyes and settled herself more comfortably against the doll. _Besides, why should I care if Tokunaga's possessed? I've always liked ghost stories._ She raised her hand to brush her hair out of her face, and something warm and wet landed on her wrist.

She opened her eyes. A large drop of clear moisture rolled off her hand, splatting to the stone. She glanced up. A dripping stalactite, maybe?

Another drop fell, hitting her knee. Drool glistened across Tokunaga's smiling mouth.

Natalia swallowed a shriek, backing hastily away from the doll, glancing at Anise. The Fon Master Guardian must have heard something in one of the corridors, because she'd left the firelight, silhouetted against the glowing crystals as she went to check. Natalia looked back at Tokunaga. Had it turned in her direction? Had it crawled towards her when she wasn't looking?

A fat drop of drool fell from its mouth.

Natalia backed until her shoulders bumped against the cavern wall, putting about twenty feet between her and the doll. She curled her legs up to her chest, setting her quiver and bow at her side. After a long moment of watching the doll not move, she leaned against the wall, trying to find a comfortable position. She was a light sleeper. She'd wake up if anything happened.

If she ever got to sleep at all.

_Splat_ went another drop.

* * *

"Good morning, princess." Natalia stirred, cracking an eye open. Jade was leaning over her. "I believe it is morning, though perhaps not as late as you'd like." After seeing that she was awake, he turned and made his way back to the bedroll, removing his glasses.

Natalia stretched her legs, having slumped onto her side at some point while sleeping. As she moved, something heavy fell across her face, covering her eyes with darkness.

She batted it away in a blind panic – no, it wasn't the doll. She sat up, looking at it, biting her lip to keep down her sudden emotion, pleasure and sadness together. It was a black and red tabard.

She touched the fabric, her fingers slipping into a long frayed rip. Then folded it up. It was the first time in her life it had even occurred to her to fold something, and it took her some time to get the edges even.

Standing, Natalia crossed the campsite to the central fire, both for heat and its light. She'd heard some caves were warm, but Ortion didn't seem to be one of them, the ice-like crystals making it seem even colder. She folded her legs under her, bow across her knees. If danger came, she'd need less than a second to reach for an arrow.

Morning was still a few hours away. She heard the distant rhythmic dripping of water (_not Tokunaga, not Tokunaga_) and some animal moving through a nearby passage, and she could hardly see anything beyond the camp. To pass the time, she silently recited the Canticle of Lorelei, the prayer slowly shifting into something less impressive: _Please don't let us be ambushed. Especially by glowing mushrooms. _ She still hadn't forgiven herself for nearly being killed by florescent fungus. If Luke had seen it, he would have said that she was slowing them down, she wasn't good enough – she tried to cut off any thoughts of Luke.

An hour had passed before she heard a rapid skittering close by, something small running for cover. She raised herself into a genuflect. Reaching for an arrow, she heard the skittering again, but it was heading away from them. There was movement in the corner of her eye. Asch had lifted himself, face turned in the direction of the sound.

"Do you think it's trouble?" Natalia whispered.

"Whatever it is, it's going away." Despite this, he sat up, rebuckling his sword belt. "Stay here." Asch walked past her down one of the caverns, quickly losing himself in the darkness. Natalia pressed her lips together and knocked an arrow to her bow, but didn't draw it back. If she heard any sounds of violence, she wouldn't stay put, orders or not.

After more than a minute, Asch emerged, flickering in and out of the crystals' glow. "Something big passed by. I saw its tracks. But I don't know how old they are." He sat down on the other side of the fire, his long hair disheveled, hanging into his face.

Natalia lowered her bow, then returned her arrow to the quiver. But she didn't set them aside. For a long moment, she made a point not to look across the fire, but she finally spoke, her words soft. "You can sleep. I keep a good watch."

"I'm fine."

"Thank you. For – " Her voice faltered, and she gestured in front of herself, meaning the tabard. Asch didn't respond. Natalia lifted her head, slightly turning towards him. Caught staring, he looked away.

She wished she didn't have to think so hard about what to say; she couldn't remember needing to when they were children. "And thank you for coming back. For not siding with Van." She watched the glowing coals pick out individual grains along her bow. "I'm sure it wasn't easy."

"Van's a maniac," Asch said after a moment.

"Without your hyperresonance, or – Luke's," she winced as she said the name, "Van can't destroy any more of the crust, can he? Jade said your hyperresonance would be even more powerful." Natalia looked at her hands, then up. "I never would have thought you could do something like that. You always seemed so harmless when we were children."

"I didn't know about any of this when we were –" Asch cut off his retort, belatedly realizing she'd been trying to make a joke. He sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"We didn't know much about anything. That was the problem." Natalia rubbed the bowstring between her fingers, feeling the supple catgut. "We were always trying to sneak away from the castle and the others. Because seeing things in books was never enough. We had to see it ourselves."

Asch cleared his throat. "I remember." Natalia looked up at him, then away, blinking quickly. "What?" Asch asked. He stared at her, confused, even impatient. _"What?"_

Natalia didn't meet his eyes. "I used to beg Luke to tell me he remembered anything. He hated it. All those memories I cherished meant nothing to him. And I was always trying to take care of him, but I hated him just as much as he hated me."

"And you thought that trash was me?"

Natalia turned, startled by the harshness in his voice. "Yes." She watched him. He didn't look away, his eyes tensed with anger. "Because – We were all so worried about you when you vanished. Aunt Susanne and I barely slept through a night. When Luke came we – " her voice broke " – we wanted him to be you, because that would mean you were safe again. And if you'd been changed and hurt, we'd just have to – love you even more. I wanted to kill the people who'd kidnapped you, I couldn't imagine what they'd done to change you so much. All during the first year, I kept praying something would happen to snap you – him – out of it and make him you again."

"Did you stop praying?"

She nodded. In the corner of her eye, she saw that his face had softened, though it was still wary.

"I stopped praying too," Jade said quietly, "that I would ever get any sleep."

Asch's face flamed into a blush. "You can get some sleep now!" And he walked away from the fire, lying down in one of the shadows. Natalia found herself watching him, his back to her, so much slighter without the formal tabard – then remembered she was supposed to be guarding them all. She faced the corridors again, but every muscle in her was restless. Almost against her will - certainly against her better judgement - she turned back to him. He was watching her. With something like a flinch, he looked away.

Natalia's nerves steadied. She couldn't be sure everything would be all right. That complacency was gone forever. But for a moment, talking to Asch had almost felt natural again. For a moment, she could almost imagine them laughing together. That moment, even this moment, was all right.

_Splat._

Her shoulders hunched. She glanced behind her.

Tokunaga smiled.


End file.
